You Are What Fixed Me
by lastingJavelin
Summary: Choking. It was like choking on something that would never come out once again no matter how hard you would try. It couldn't be swallowed or forced out. Yet it wasn't large enough to kill. It just stayed there, scratching and rubbing against his throat uncomfortable while his lungs struggled to get air. What was he to do now? He'd figure it out. He had to figure it out...


Hey guys! I haven't posted in awhile, so I thought I would give everyone something different. This is my first Destiel fic that I've ever written. It is a multi-chapter fic, and I've worked very hard on it. I hope you guys enjoy!

* * *

Castiel always told himself he didn't deserve Dean. To him, it was obvious. Dean was so fun and adventurous while he was just dull and bland. Boring. But somehow they worked together and had a strong bond no one was ever able to explain. Be that as it may, Cas was never able to figure out how someone so amazing, so great, so _happy_ as Dean was with someone so broken as himself.

It was ridiculous.

The bullshit that had happened had been over two years ago, yet it still seemed fresh. He couldn't understand why he wasn't over it yet. He needed to be so he could finally be happy completely and irrevocably. It just wasn't happening no matter what he did. But what about Dean? Dean had always had a full plate when it came to life. He never had it easy. He worked for everything and always got the short end of the stick, but he was always so _happy_. How? It angered Castiel as well as intrigued him. He had to know.

"Dean..." His voice was gravelly and low, tongue darting out to dampen dry lips. He felt so parched and almost asked for a glass of water. He decided against it and continued to speak after seeing his boyfriend's puzzled face.

"How do you do it? I mean, how do you stay so happy all the time? After everything you've been through, you don't seem to be the least bit hurt. How?" Dean laughed, dropping the book he had been reading on to his stomach. Castiel's cheeks went red, and he felt himself grow just a bit offended. How was this funny?

"I don't just do it, Cas. I just. I have something that makes me this happy all the time. It helps me forget about all the bullshit that happened." When he saw the perplexed gaze in his lover's eyes, he continued, stroking Cas' face lovingly with the back of his hand.

"You, Cas. You make me happy. When i'm starting to feel upset, I think about when we first met. I think of my life before you and how it drastically changed after you. Don't you do that?" Castiel chuckled humorlessly and shook his head.

"I can't. It's too hard to talk about that. All that happened."

"Can't you try? Maybe if you talk, you'll feel better." The brunette nodded almost absently. Perhaps Dean was right. Sure, he always would get choked up talking about it, but if he didn't let out how bad it hurt, he'd never feel better. It was time to relive the past no matter how horrific and move on. Dean pressed a kiss to his lips, fingers rubbing against his scalp as their lips moved lazily against one another's. Castiel felt completely at peace and pulled away. It was time to talk.

"It started in high school..."

* * *

Castiel loved studying. It was one thing he was great at. And though his older brother would vehemently disagree with what he was doing, he enjoyed reading his biology book while he took notes. How else was he to prepare for being a doctor?

"Bro, you have to start doing something other than studying on the weekends. Come to a party with me," Gabriel had said one night. Cas rolled his eyes and shook his head. He was not going to a party. Especially not one Gabriel went to. He always came home extremely drunk. It was just disgusting.

"No, Gabriel. I'm not accompanying you to a party. You end up drunk every time. And i'm not going to ruin my academics just for your idea of a social life. No thank you." Gabriel let out a loud groan of discontent.

"Seriously? Just because I get drunk? Fine. I won't get drunk this time, honest! We'll only go for thirty minutes, and if you want to leave, you'll be taken home. Fair enough?" God, his brother really was trying hard tonight. Perhaps he would humor him for once. It couldn't be that bad, could it?

"I don't know, brother. I don't think i'm fit for these kinds of situa-"

"Oh, come on! You're a senior, bro! You have to live a little before you go of to college to be a nef- neph-"

"Nephrologist, Gabriel," Castiel interjected.

"Yeah! That! Just, one party. One. That's it. No more if you hate them. Maybe you'll make some friends." Gabriel tried, desperation rising in his voice. The younger of the two sighed and waved his hand dismissively.

"Fine. I'll go. I'll change out of my pajamas just for this lousy party." His brother looked ecstatic, excitement practically bubbling throughout his whole being.

"Finally! Hurry up, or we'll be late."

Castiel had the feeling this was going to be a long half hour.

* * *

Music thudded around the packed house, people dancing and moving to the beat. It was almost asinine how robotic these people seemed to be. How horrible their priorities were. All they cared about was alcohol, weed, and getting laid, it seemed. And not looking stupid, Castiel presumed as he watched a girl cry to her friend about embarrassing herself. He knew already that it was preposterous for him to be here. Still, he promised thirty minutes, and he never went back on a promise.

"Look, bro. You have to relax a little. You look angry and annoyed." Gabriel told him. Cas rolled his eyes, the gesture having been his trademark since he was a tiny tot.

"I am angry and annoyed." He mused, pushing past more pulsating people. God, this beat was irritating.

"Well, quit it. I'm going to go talk to some girls. See you in a bit." Before the younger of the two could say any form of protest, Gabriel had ducked out of view. Castiel did his best not to seethe with anger. It didn't matter. No. He could make friends. It was simple. So simple, in fact, he would laugh at those that would try to convince him otherwise.

Naturally, he was all bark and no bite. Sure, he had chatted with a few people, but no one interesting. A few girls had flirted with him, but he wasn't interested. So far, the party blew.

He was just about to find Gabriel and insist his brother drive him home but was confronted before able to do so. The man before him was tall and lean, bright blonde hair and even brighter blue eyes. Castiel stared at him behind dark lashes, trying to form some sort of coherent sentence.

"Your brother asked me to see how you were fairing. By the looks of it, not well. Would you like me to take you home? He is in no state to be driving." The brunette continued to stare stupidly at him until he remembered to speak. He felt foolish and blushed a light pink, trying to look anywhere but at the other male.

"Is he drunk? He promised he wouldn't... I should have known better."

"Not drunk, love, high. Still, he remembered what he had promised you. Now, shall we get out of here?" Castiel made a motion to nod, but stopped short, looking at him in confusion.

"Who are you? I don't believe Gabriel has ever spoken of you." He crossed his arms across his chest, shifting his weight to one leg and leaning on his hip. The blonde chuckled and sucked in a breath.

"You caught me. Gabriel and I aren't fond of each other. I'm Balthazar, pleased to meet you. Your brother had been talking about taking you home because of his promise, and I had been eying you from across the room for the past fifteen minuted. I just needed a reason to come talk to you that didn't seem completely ridiculous." The man, Balthazar, had gived him a smile, and Castiel could feel himself flush a darker color. Well, he was quite a smooth talker without all the repulsive tricks. He had to give him kudos.

"I have no clue why you've taken interest in me, Balthazar. I'm not interesting." The brunette looked a different direction in some sort of failed attempt to not seem facinated. Why was he so intrigued by someone he just barely met?

"Well, darling, are you going to tell me your name? I'd love to know." Castiel wet his lips with his tongue and looked back at the taller male, nodding his head.

"Castiel. My name is Castiel."

"Lovely to meet you, Castiel. Now, would you allow me to take you home? You seem dreadfully bored, and I just feel terrible. Perhaps we could do something more fun?" Balthazar gestured with his thumb towards the door, and Cas couldn't bring himself to speak. So, he just nodded and followed the other through a crowded hallway and out the door. The night was cool, and Castiel was glad he wore a sweater.

"Much better out here, wouldn't you say, Cassie? Not as loud nor as hot." Small talk. That's what that was. Balthazar, for some strange reason, was flirting with him. Castiel cleared his throat and nodded. He had to agree, it was nice out there. The leaves were beginning to change color thanks to the fall, and the air felt crisp and clean.

"Thank you. For coming to my rescue, I mean. I don't think I could have found Gabriel. And he had the keys." The blonde hummed, leading Cas to his car and helping him in.

"My pleasure. Now, how about you and I do something, eh? I'd love to get to know you a bit more." He had stated upon sitting in the driver's seat and starting his car. Castiel couldn't bring himself to say no. So he nodded and chatted back and forth with Balthazar. It seemed they really clicked.

In their absence, a less than sober Gabriel went looking for his brother. Okay, so he did drink more than he had planned, but Cas was able to drive. There was no reason for him to freak out, if you asked him. Well, that was until he realized his brother was missing. Awesome. The first time he took the socially awkward teen to a party, and he loses him. Or so he thought. Gabriel pulled out his phone when it had vibrated annoyingly in his pocket. It was Castiel. _Went to hang out with a friend. Don't worry about picking me up._ He smirked. Everything went better than planned.

* * *

"I'm telling you, Cassie, i'm not as interesting as you'd like to think!" Balthazar said with a slight chuckle, leaning back into the booth as he watched the brunette shake his head and of course, roll his eyes.

"Bullshit. You've told me plenty of interesting things already. Especially your experience in Italy. It must have been truly remarkable there." Castiel mused fondly, leaning his chin on to his fists, elbows propped up on the table. Sure, it wasn't the most polite of him to do, but he didn't feel the need to be so pompously proper around Balthazar. He could truly be himself for once, and it was the best feeling in the world, if he did say so himself.

"Perhaps i'll get the chance to take you there sometime. I know you'd love it. It seems to be your desired climate. Plus, you love the ocean. The Mediterranean is beautiful. You'd just add to it, darling." The blonde smiled as he watched with fascination as Castiel turned a brilliant shade of red and waved him off dismissively as if there was no compliment made.

"You really are something else, you know that?" The brunette shook his head, chuckling to himself. He couldn't understand what it was about Balthazar that just made him feel so at ease, so excited, so comfortable. It was like they had known each other their whole lives and had only merely been separated. The feeling was so magical. So exhilarating. It was just unreal.

Balthazar cleared his throat, and Castiel forced himself to focus on the man before him, not on the thoughts that fluttered through his head like butterflies searching for a place to land. "I apologize. I got lost in thought. I hope I wasn't doing anything rude."

"Just staring. At me. I don't believe it was rude, actually. I was hoping you were so entranced by my incredibly good looks that you just couldn't glance away." The taller of the two stated. Cas laughed. A genuine, contented laugh. Shaking his head, he straightened his back, "Yeah, sure. That's what it is."

"Oh, naturally. It's the cheekbones, right? Us Brits are known for our striking cheekbones and jawlines." Castiel nodded, rolling his eyes once again.

"Yes, Balthazar. The cheekbones. They're stunning. I'm actually awestruck. No, I wasn't even in thought. My mind was just simply blown by your stunning features. How do you keep the women off you?" The question was meant to be rhetorical. Simply a joke. A question that needed no answer. And honestly, Castiel was worried that the answer would only bring out that little green monster he always hated to have around. Jealousy was not a good color. Not on anyone, in his opinion.

"I tell them i'm gay. Or something of the sort. Sometimes they scoff and run away, or call me a faggot. I don't really mind. I'm getting more dick than them anyways." Taken aback by his answer, the smaller man flushed, nodding his head in as much understanding as he could muster. That was...certainly true, he supposed. Balthazar was incredibly handsome, after all. He would be surprised if he wasn't getting anything. Not with how gorgeous he was.

Forcing himself to stop fussing over Balthazar's looks, Castiel gave him a small smile and pressed his hands into his lap. It was getting late, and he was getting tired. He just didn't want the night to end quite yet.

"Well, Castiel. Would you like to be taken home? It is after two in the morning. I presume your parents want you home, correct? I shouldn't have them hate me before they get a chance to me. Besides, I would like to have another date with you, and I doubt they'd ever let you out with me again if I kept you out too much later. Shall we call it a night, dear?" Cas nodded his head, sliding out of the booth and getting to his feet. He followed Balthazar back to his car and got in once it was unlocked. Two in the morning, huh? He hadn't ever stayed up this late, nonetheless stayed out. What a night...

He was surprised to be shaken awake not too long after, eyes popping open and body jumping. His pulse quickened, and he had to force himself to get calm. Damn, had he fallen asleep?

"Sorry to wake you, love. You did look quite peaceful. You are home, though. I assume you'd like to lay in your bed. Allow me to walk you to the door, darling." Castiel nodded sheepishly, cheeks painted pink by how foolish he felt. He grabbed Balthazar's offered hand and followed him up the steps to the front door of his house. Before he could go in, he turned to the blonde and squeezed his hand.

"Thanks for taking me home. And for the amazing night. Really, it was great. Oh, and thank you for saving me from that dreadful party." Balthazar chuckled, nodding his head as he leaned in just a bit closer, minty breath ghosting over Castiel's face and forcing tingles down his spine.

"Well, thank you for the date. It was perfect. I enjoyed myself, really." When Cas opened his mouth to say goodnight, he was greeted by a pair of firm lips pressed to his. His eyes fluttered close, and his hands moved mindlessly to Balthazar's neck, pressing as close as he could manage before they broke apart.

"Goodnight, Cassie. I'll call you tomorrow afternoon. Perhaps you could come over." Castiel nodded, still utterly surprised by the kiss.

"Mhmm...Er, uh, yeah. Yeah, goodnight. I'll talk to you tomorrow." Balthazar smiled and pecked his lips once before finally walking down the walkway and getting into his car to leave. Cas watched him leave, smile slowly making its way on to his features. The night was perfect, just as the blonde had said. Still dazed, he opened the door and went inside. He'd see the man again real soon, but first, he needed to sleep.

* * *

Alright. I hope you guys liked it. Please review and tell me what you think.

-Javelin


End file.
